Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
