He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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