have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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