wanna go halves on a baby?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
