Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
