Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
