I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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