Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
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