Porn is love you can see.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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