dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
