I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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