how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
