this beer tastes like vomit already
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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