he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
