Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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