i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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