i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I need water and some morals
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
