I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
