I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Randomize
