for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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