oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We have so much sex to catch up on
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
