I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
