Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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