And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
