tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
