if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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