I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
