Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
