Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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