Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
