the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
