two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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