I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
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