i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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