So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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