Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
