I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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