I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
