I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You took a bar mat shot.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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