You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
