would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
