i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My ATM looks so different sober.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
