Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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