forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize