am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
