this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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