My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize