and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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