You're completely useless in the revolution.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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