I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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