If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
