I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
