meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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