I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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