Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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