Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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