hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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