they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
