tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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