last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
