Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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