She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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