I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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