They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
