You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm sobbing to NWA
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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