She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
