So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
