Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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