just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
