ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
