But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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