i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
