She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
