the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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