why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Floor bacon is actually really good
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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